I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
