so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
