I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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