Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
