I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just puked most of my soul out..
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