I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
