you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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