Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize