so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
