you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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