You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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