Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
