omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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