Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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