my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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