i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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