The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
