oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
