I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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