walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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