I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
