I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
