if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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