sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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