You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
