Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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