I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
