new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
