No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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