george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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