Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just cropdusted the office
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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