Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
