Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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