Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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