Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
