Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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