Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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