So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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