Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
