So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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