so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
