guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
