some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
