i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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