I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
