I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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