i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
