yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
