she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
