i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
