Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
