he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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