Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
