That's intense
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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