White coat. Heels.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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