Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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