P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
