I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
