i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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