CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
