dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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