4 words: hood of his car
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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