My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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