you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
