i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
