I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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