Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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