does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
