Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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