at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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