I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
