You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize