So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
