dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
