When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
