yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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