Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
