he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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