roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
