I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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