I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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